are you listening to yourself?

Carter finds himself realizing something that explains so much. Takes place after his yellow heart event.


He’d been struggling lately, and wasn’t hiding it very well. Fumbling artifacts when he hadn’t before, staring at the cave exit for no discernable reason, as if waiting for something; the way his brow furrowed if he stared for too long, trying to return his focus to the dig, the task at hand.

Barely eating was the last straw for his poor assistant. “Professor?”

“Hm? What is it this time?” He mumbled, shaking his head and looking at her. “Have I been daydreaming again?”

“You’ve barely touched lunch, you skipped breakfast, I’m not even sure what you did with dinner last night – what the heck has gotten into you?” She put her hands on her hips. “You’re usually the one yelling at me not to drop and break things, and this whole week I’ve been calling you out on it!”

“Oh. I suppose I have been rather distracted this week, haven’t I? It’s nothing, er, bad I suppose… it’s just a hard week for my attention span.”

“That’s a load of bull and you know it.”

“Flora…”

“No, Professor, you listen to me.” She leaned down, her purple eyes burning through his own hazel ones. “Something’s bothering you, and I wanna get to the bottom of that before you somehow manage to break the missing link. I wouldn’t bother to assert myself if I knew you weren’t trying to lie to me.”

“It, well, it. I’m…” His brow furrowed, and he looked towards the tent door. “Just, lost in thought. There’s nothing to be worried about, Flora. I’m fine; that much I can promise you.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Flora gave him a worried look. “I just want to make sure you’re all right, Professor. You don’t act like this for no reason.”

He paused. “Only if you promise not to judge me.”

“Heart to the gods, Professor.” She sat down, facing him as he averted his gaze.

“Well, I suppose I’ll have to trust you…” He took a deep breath. “My whole life, every relationship I’ve had with a woman has ended in turmoil. A messy breakup, a relationship silently withering away… goddess forbid, the occasional affair. All of them blaming me for… well, not providing my, heh, dues.” He shrugged. “I was married for six years before we finally agreed it wasn’t working. Since then, I’ve been… well, a bachelor. Walking the days, wondering who will strike my fancy… Truth be told, I hold a great amount of respect for you, Flora.” He chuckled, “You may only know one recipe, but the fact you’re willing to cook at all means millions to me.”

She closed her eyes, putting her thumb and finger on her chin. “Only respect though. Nothing more?”

“Not particularly… is there a problem with that?”

“Of course not.” She looked at him; her words had indicated there wasn’t an issue, but her eyes said something completely different. “Just wondering if you’re even listening to yourself.”

“I beg your pardon?”

She stood up, folding her arms behind her back; she looked like she was about to slap him, looming over him with a glare in her eyes. “Carter Moore, are you listening to yourself?”

“What reason would I have to--?”

“Because you only ever focus on work! You have only ever focused on work! We left the university to dig for artifacts, we’ve been at this for three years, and ever since Jazz moved in – ever since he started visiting, you’ve been so… so absent minded!”

“Only in the past week…” Carter protested. “Flora, please, I promise you’re still a great research assistant – a wonderful friend!”

“This isn’t about me either, you fool!” She threw her arms into the air. “This is about you! Listen to your words when they leave you – every relationship with a woman has gone up in flames because you didn’t have any attraction, then Jazz moves into town, suddenly you’re crazy for him like he’s some overinflated musical idol! You don’t hide your feelings well, you and I both know that. You grumble and sigh when I make food, you swear under your breath when you stumble over an artifact – Goddess’ tears, every time Jazz comes into your line of sight, you grin like a schoolgirl and then turn around to act all casual when he starts talking to you!”

Carter stopped, the tension in the air feeling almost suffocating as he processed what Flora was saying. She took a deep breath, hands on her chest as she closed her eyes.

“I’m sorry…” He mumbled after a time. “I hadn’t realized opening up to you about this would--”

“Carter. I’m not saying all of this because it’s bad.” She looked at him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Literally the opposite. I think it’s great that you… well. That you’re finding someone that you like – that you’re actually in love with.”

“Do you love me?”

She hesitated. Both of them suspected that those words fell out faster than he could trap them. “…I do. But I want you to be happy, first and foremost. If you’d be happier with Jazz, then you need to take that to him. I’ll stand by your side and cheer you on, always.” She let go of his shoulder and he quickly pulled her back in for a hug; Carter’s shoulders shuddering as he gripped her shirt, holding on for what seemed like dear life. She gently patted his back, shaking her head to herself as he cried.

“I’m thankful you can say that to me, Flora. Truly.” His voice was muffled by her shoulder. “I’m… I suppose I’m thankful you yelled at me, too. How could I not realize it sooner? Not feeling anything for the women in my life, all of my… well, all of my reactions to Jazz, every sign was really there…”

“Like I said; you need to speak to Jazz about your feelings.” She pulled away from him, smiling as she wiped the tears from his face. “Heck, I may talk to him at some point, too – you seem to enjoy his cooking more than mine!”

He laughed, shaking his head as Flora playfully rolled her eyes. “No, no, Flora, that’s quite alright – I can stomach three more years of only having curry for dinner. Promise.”

“Sure. I’ll go call Ruby.” She laughed. “Maybe you and Jazz should hit up the bar again; he did bring up something you said the last time you two had an outing. Something about him being… liberating?”

“He promised he wouldn’t tell! And that’s not even what I said!” Carter’s face hit his palm. “Oh, when I get my hands on that little…!”

Flora didn’t respond; she only sat there watching him fight back a big grin from behind his palm.

 

He always was a big softie, once you got past his professional exterior.


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