Chapter 10: I'm Just Me
Jazz goes to the bar.
It was quiet; maybe too much so. He laid on the bed, considering the thought of just sleeping early despite the sun still shining through his window.
If only so he could figure out his stupid brain. He couldn't really be homesick if he hated his home...
Every time he tried to think about the soup and whatever that meant, his brain couldn't latch onto the thought. it kept thinking about what the goddess had said.
"It sounds like you hold him in high regard... maybe you see something in him that you see in yourself? Or, perhaps, it's the thought of having someone who can speak on 'your terms', so to speak."
She wasn't wrong... as usual. Maybe he did enjoy having someone infodump to him; gods only know he never got that time of day with any of his friends before. He definitely enjoyed finding someone he could actually pay attention to, it meant that there was no reason for him to be yelled at or hurt by other people for the crime of getting distracted...
He laid there in silence for a while, mulling over the thoughts in his mind. He adored him. He adored him. Because he could talk about what he liked for hours. Could he do the same? Would Carter listen to him?
Probably not. he replied to himself, All I'd wanna talk about is video games and... I dunno, being sad all the time. He rolled onto his side. I don't really... have interests.
Well, that wasn't entirely true. He liked farming... though, that was more of his job than anything. Video games? He frowned. He probably wouldn't... get it. Gods, he needed more hobbies. All he did was go outside, take care of the crops, bother the townsfolk... then go back to bed.
He sat up, getting... upset, strangely - so he didn't have any hobbies. So what? What did it matter? It mattered because he didn't have anything to talk to Carter about. Why was this suddenly a problem? He liked hearing Carter infodump about his interests, why can't he ramble about his?
Groaning, he flopped back onto the bed. I'm just me. He thought, mouthing the words to himself. As usual, I wish I wasn't.
He laid there in the silence for a bit longer, hearing a quiet knock at the door. He sat up, getting out of bed to answer the door. In the doorway stood Flora, standing awkwardly.
"Heya."
"'Sup." Jazz grinned. "What's Carter want?"
"Oh, nothing - we were headed to the bar, and Lajos said you hadn't left the house since you got home; thought you were asleep. Maybe you wanted to come with us?"
He paused, shrugging and stepping outside. "Okay, but I'm not getting out of my pajamas."
"Fair enough."
He looked behind her - Carter, Lajos, and Marlin all stood, chatting idly; Marlin said something, prompting Carter to blush and Lajos to laugh, covering his mouth as they started walking down the hill, Flora and Jazz tailing behind them.
"You know, something tells me he was hoping you'd say yes." Flora said jokingly, "I mean... he talks about you a lot; I think he really appreciates having someone he can talk about all of this to."
"Dunno what put that idea in y'all's head." Jazz chuckled, "I'm a good listener 'cause I have nothing to say for myself."
"Maybe you just need to be in a place with more that one person; find someone who is talking about something you like so you relate better." Flora looked up at him, "My sister's like that; she'll be quiet as a mouse until someone mentions, like, chemistry. You start thinking about polymers and she'll teleport next to you to gush about colloids or whatever."
"I mean, chemistry - and archaeology - are both cool... I'm not, really, cool. You know?"
"I mean, I saw the laptop."
"I read trashy fiction about my favorite video games. That's about it."
"Well... why don't you tell me about your games? I might not, like, understand, but..."
Jazz hesitated. She had no idea what the hell she was getting herself into. "Well... one of my favorites is like... it's an RPG - you roleplay as like, yourself, or someone you made up - and it's after this huge war that destroys everything. There's... um..." he trailed off, counting on his fingers. "Five games, and they're all pretty good! I like playing the last 3 though, I have them all on the same system and they immerse me better than the first two."
"What's up with the first two?"
"Well, they were... I guess they weren't made before 3D graphics were invented, but pretty close to it." he laughed, "The camera angle they use hurts my eyes."
"Fair enough. I play this one game on the stupid phone the university gave me..." she dug through her pockets, pulling out a phone with a cracked glass screen and opening one of the apps. "I guess it could also be an RPG? I play as this girl here, she's... honestly, she's just, like, A Person in this house; I can make her cook hamburgers for everyone when she's not trying to burn the house down with the bathtub."
"Oh, you play as an arsonist?"
Flora cringed, laughing. "Not intentionally! When your stats are too low, you have a tendency to light things on fire. It's like rolling a, um, natural 1."
"That sounds terrible."
"I wish I could live by a river in game..." she joked, sighing dramatically. "It works out here in the Valley, why wouldn't it work in my game, huh?"
"Well, your phone doesn't seem to be waterproof - at least, not anymore." Jazz smiled as Flora snorted.
"Hey, when I got it, it was supposed to be shatterproof, waterproof, shockproof, the works - they give you everything you need on field research. Turns out, we'd accidentally gotten some of the student-grade equipment, so it's all like... plain jane cheapo stuff." she shrugged, "It works. I can submit our logs, I can play Simulife, sometimes I can even take pictures if it feels kind to me."
"Man, my phone can text, call, and use the internet... that's like, it." Jazz scratched the back of his neck. "I've been meaning to get an upgrade, but honestly - all I really do is what I use it for, especially out here."
"Not even games?"
"I don't play mobile!" Jazz rolled his eyes as the group entered the bar. "I've got my consoles, that's all I need."
"Someone's birthday party?" Griffin joked, voice raised among the chatter. Lajos shook his head, and Griffin gave him a look.
"Ooooh, that's the face he makes when someone owes him..." Flora raised an eyebrow. "Marlin didn't cover for him, huh?"
"I couldn't!" Marlin protested, "I figured he'd forgive it since Lajos, y'know, took a tumble off the--"
"It's not important." Griffin chuckled, "Tell you what. I'll let it go this time, but if you don't pay it again I'll double it."
Lajos shrugged, "Fair enough."
"Now! What can I get you guys tonight?"
The three looked at each other before giving Griffin a collective grin. Behind Griffin, Muffy rolled her eyes and giggled.
"Well, why don't we have you two one-on-one?" Marlin pointed at Lajos and Carter. "Carter's kind of our reigning champion between me, him, and Gustafa."
"Better idea." He walked back towards Jazz, who took a step back as he was unceremoniously dragged to the counter. "We'll have these two go toe-to-toe."
"This is so not fair." Jazz buried his face in his arms on the counter as Griffin chuckled, "What other deity did I manage to piss off today...?"
"50/50 shot between the god of parties and the god of Being A God Damn Loser." Lajos grinned, shrugging. "You can do it, can't you?"
"Okay, okay -" Griffin put his hands up, grinning. "You two? The reigning champ and the guy who didn't want to visit when Takakura invited him? Carter, you're going to cover for this kid, aren't you?"
"Must I?" Carter grinned, "Surely the inheritor of Pete's farm can cover me."
"Oh you hush!" Jazz put a hand on the counter. "If he wins, I pay 'em both. If I win, he pays em both."
"...Alright, deal." Carter looked at Griffin, who shrugged and motioned for Muffy to start mixing. "Do you like your drinks straight or blended?"
"Depends on the booze; if it tastes like Not alcohol I'm way more likely to drink more." Jazz sat down, cheek in his hand as he stared at the counter. His finger traced a knot in the wood, the bar's lighting bending around it as the glass appeared in front of him. His eyes looked up at Carter's drink - they'd been handed at the same time. The two locked eyes, grinning as they picked up their drinks and clinked the glasses together, downing them.
"Annnnd they're off." Marlin grinned, putting a hand on his hip. "You're sure this is what she had in mind, Laj?"
"I mean... probably not, but it'll be fun to see what his tolerance is." Lajos laughed, "Worst-case, he gets to sleep in tomorrow and I can handle paying people back and/or apologizing to everybody."
More glasses stacked onto the table - Not as many as when Lajos had joined them, but still enough to quell the bar's fractured chaos and unify the other patrons into choosing a side in this spontaneous contest. In the back of his mind, Jazz felt terrible - he had promised his mother he wouldn't drink.
On the other, it was very fun and Carter did look like he was having the time of his life...
One drink after another, Carter slowing his pace slightly not stopping either of them; Jazz set his glass on the table, looking at him. The room around them didn't matter, nor did the fuzzy thoughts in his head - he knew what he was interested in.
His hand wrapped around Carter's wrist, bringing his arm - and the torso of the man attached to it - closer to Jazz's body. Jazz leaned in close, the crowd dropping to stunned silence as his lips met Carter's, the two lost in the moment.
When Jazz pulled away, the room was silent. Carter was bright red, the rest of the bar was dead silent, and Griffin was staring at the two with a bewildered expression, eyes wide as he wordlessly held up a hand.
Jazz looked around, feeling everyone's eyes... on him. He looked at Carter, then at Griffin, then at everyone else, then at his own hands before standing up and putting his hands behind his back. "I'm... going to go home."
And just like that, he was gone, the bar still frozen behind him.