Chapter 12: Quiet Water

Can Jazz finally figure out how to vocalize how he feels?

The water was pleasantly warm; he held his breath as his rear end touched the bottom of the pond, displacing various perfectly-preserved offerings. The goddess' face appeared, first of bubbles and then of flesh, as she sat face-to-face with him again.

"I don't usually take bodies as offerings, Jazzebel." She joked, "Here, let me give you a chance to explain yourself before you drown."

She touched his thigh, and his mouth popped open - though no air was transacted between his lungs and the water.

"You won't be able to speak while underwater still, but you can still communicate with thoughts." Her voice echoed in his head.

"Was having Lajos drag me to the bar a plan to ruin my life?!" Jazz thought venomously, "I- I mean, why would... You knew I was going to mess up and... You knew I was going to make a fool of myself."

"I merely told Lajos to take you to the bar; what happened afterwards was out of my hands." she smiled, shrugging. "I did hear you caused quite the commotion though... your aunt wasn't very pleased when I told her!"

"You just like watching me embarrass myself, huh."

She sighed, looking at him sadly. "How much longer do you plan to keep this bottled up, Jazzebel?" she asked quietly, "I know it's tough when you barely know anyone to confide these feelings in, but... if you never tell him how you feel, you'll never know if he feels the same."

"Because he doesn't! I'm positive he doesn't. His face was red because he was embarrassed, and he spends all his time with Flora, and we're just.... we're just friends! I can love him and not tell him."

"Your love language is being so engrossed in your interests they consume you."

Damn it, she had him there. His favorite moments were listening to Carter ramble about whatever was on his mind - even if the two times he got that chance, he was focused on work.

"Even if you don't tell him how you feel directly... it wouldn't hurt to get these feelings out. Why not write about them, if you can't trust any of your friends not to tell... you can trust a stack of lined paper."

"But what if someone finds them?" Jazz looked upset.

"They'll forget they ever saw them." She winked at him, and he grinned a little. "See, you can feel great about this."

"You're... yeah, you've got a point." Jazz chuckled. "Maybe I will try writing about it; keeping a journal wouldn't kill me."

Jazz got to his feet, jumping towards the surface of the water. The goddess waved as his head broke the surface, him taking a huge, desperate gasp of air that startled everyone at the edge of the pond. Muffy stared at him as he swam towards the shore, climbing out of the pond without a drop of water on him.

"How long were you under there?!" She gasped, Jazz looking up at her.

"Long enough." he said plainly, walking away. He left the spring, walking down the mountain and back into town. He walked towards home, looking at the fields. He'd watered them, harvesting the ripe ones; Lajos must have planted more while he was out.

He laid in the grass, watching the clouds drift by, getting blurrier and darker...

A few hours later, he found himself being nudged awake by Lajos' shoe. He blearily looked up, rubbing his eyes as Lajos knelt over him.

"Enjoy your nap?"

"Yeah... didn't even realize I fell asleep." Jazz chuckled, sitting up. "How burnt am I, huh?"

"Only a little bit." He chuckled, "C'mon, let's get you inside."

Lajos half-carried Jazz inside, setting him down at the table and walking back out the door, closing it behind him. Jazz opened his laptop again, closing out of the web browser and opening his word processor.

5:41 PM | Spring

Auntie said a journal would be a good idea. A way to get my feelings out. I can't say I'm not thankful for this idea, but it does feel a bit childish... Maybe she's right, that I can use it to my advantage. Suppose we'll find out together, won't we sweet Word? So... Carter. Carter Carter Carter. What can I say about him? He's... wonderful. His hair bounces when he talks, or moves, or laughs; the way he can talk for hours and hours about his archaeological work makes me feel... I guess fuzzy. There's so much more I want to say but how do I find the words to say it?

...He's got such a lovely voice, too... Deep, kind, caring - his laugh literally sounds like music. I don't know what even, like, draws me to him. Just that... there he is, living his life. And here I am... trying to figure out how to bring him to mine.

He sighed softly, closing the lid of his laptop and leaning back. It wasn't going to make the feelings go away - arguably, it was going to make them worse.

Whatever got him out of telling others how he felt. He hated that part, having to disclose how he felt. Better to let the other party do it, he always mused, than risk getting his heart crushed by asking himself.

He'd made that mistake with Gracie, he realized; he'd asked her out, and it blew up in his face... just delayed. He shook his head. He didn't think Carter would do that - or at least, he hoped not.

Not that it mattered; he wasn't going to tell Carter about this anytime soon, anyway! It'll just go away after a couple weeks, and everything will be better.


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